drink me, eat me.

i recently talked about not being able to see my boy until hopefully January, but definitely March.
and how i'd love to have the phone call that says "See you Soon baby."
and how it'd be forever until i get that.

apparently i was wrong.

in 15 days
December 13th i'll be getting on a plane with my best friend
and flying to Atlanta, GA for a layover, waiting an hour,
and then getting on another plane and landing in Kansas City.
My bestie and I will be met at the airport by a wonderful ginger friend [who i believe does have a soul]
and then driven 2.5 hours away to

SEEEEEE MMMYYY BOYYYFRIENNDDD!

oh.my.god.
aye.dios.mio.
what good karma did i give out lately that i'm getting this handed back to me?
i'm excited for a whole bunch of reasons.

1. i didn't plan on seeing him for over a month, maybe even 3 months, let alone only 2 weeks.
2. I get to travel with my best friend. she's lovely.
3. i've never ever everrrr been on a plane before. it's pretty scary shit, but something i've wanted to do.
4. i've never been outside of the East Coast.
5. did i mention i get to see my boyfriend for 3 days?

i'd say that these 15 days are going to go by so damn slow and take forever,
but the next week of school is all last minute work, and then the week leading up to seeing him i have finals to focus on.
so these 15 days aren't going to be so bad after all. i'll be busy with school work, and there's even a few days he goes to the field to do somethings. so we'll both be kept busy.

i'm happy. at this moment, no. since october, i've had this sort of happiness just sitting near me. i never saw it coming, but sometimes when you least expect it, something shows up and changes everything.

one question i've been left pondering though is, why him?
which sounds god awful, but i don't mean it in a bad way.
for the past year i've been focused on my ex, but have had numerous guys try and show me a better time, try and get me over my ex, and try to get my attention.
dave pulled every stunt he could, corey tried countless times, gregg took me on the whole formal date status, mike was always there for my dark times, joey always was there to help me, and i'm sure there was a couple others that never backed down.

dave and mike filled voids for me. mike was just for attention, and dave i cared about and appreciated every little thing including the showing up random places to see me. gregg was too nice and didn't talk enough, i like a guy to be outgoing and grab my attention, he didn't at all. hmm,. corey? i'm not sure why, there's just something i don't like about him. i think he believes he's better than most people, and i don't like that at all. huge turnoff. joey, well we dated a long time ago, and i think ever since then i dont see him the same. he's my brother, and i'd do anything for him, he's hurt me tremendously and done things to me no bestbrotherfriend should, but there's history, i can't walk away from that just yet.

so why cameron? absolutely no idea. maybe because he didn't push to be with me. he didn't see it going in that direction ever, and he was just there to talk to towards the end.
hell, it's not even like i talked to him ever up until this past september.
all i really knew him as was the person my ex would skype with while i did the dirty with him off camera.
i have a twisted sense of humor, don't judge me.
anyways, when i did start talking to Cameron on my own, it meant nothing to me, and i don't think it meant much to him either. it was casual talking, that lead to a drunken skype night, which lead to jokingly marrying on facebook, which then lead to me hitting on him, and then him coming here, and us dating.

he sort of gave me something all the other guys didn't,
he gave me nothing. he gave me my space, he was just a friend talking to me with no extra motive
with no intention or desire to date me. he heard the shit i had to rant about, and gave me unbiased answers.
he made me not want to even talk about my ex. i found myself not wanting to waste time talking to him about stupid things, and i wanted to talk about other things.

crazy how things work, yet again.

i cannot wait to see him in 15 days.
i'm happy.
that's all. that's the only word i can really keep using. i'm having trouble describing how i feel,
and that rarely ever happens. any boy that makes it hard for me to explain how i feel is dangerous.
[i'll reference simba yet again]
I LAUGH IN THE FACE OF DANGER. ha-ha-ha.!


i got stuff i gotta do. and i'm hungry. i'm feeling better today, and i slept good last night.
my last anxiety attack during my sleep was at my dad's house.
maybe we can keep this going hmm? no anxiety ftw?