What It Comes Down To

Everything is just fine, fine fine,
because one hands in my pocket, and the other is holdin' a cigarette.


so. i thought i was going to quit smoking.
but i failed miserably and bought 2 packs the other day.
fuckmyllife.

i'll do it another day, right now, i'm happy with sitting on my bathroom floor, with my exhaust fan blowing and just smoking.
i'm feeling pretty alone lately.
there's things i wanna talk to Cam about, but he's not accessible right now. and i wouldnt want to burden him even if he did have his phone.
boy has to stay focused.
i've been doing really good in classes this semester, and i'm feeling pretty good about it.
the only down fall? is i feel i'm not being challenged at all; the papers i have to write? the professors don't push, they don't expect your best. so i find myself waiting until minutes before having to hand it in just to finish them, and not trying my hardest.
which is sad, because i'm an amazing writer.
TEACHERS STEP UP YO GAME!


on another note, i went to the doctor the other day, and found out i'm still having issues that stemmed from my kidney shit.
i'm so sick of being fucking sick
there's wayy more to all of this, but i'm not posting any of it.
it's extremely personal, but it's something that's weighing me down pretty bad.

it's Feb 23, so March is almost here, and before i know it i'll be talking to Cameron again;
i just cant get over the fact i've gone over a week without hearing from him. hah. that sounds dumb doesnt it?
well to me it's not dumb, its a pretty decent feat for me. so i'm enjoying that i'm able to do this.
but it also is one of the reasons why i'm sitting in my bathroom chainsmoking.

i'm where i want to be
but yet i'm not.
iunno whats going on really right now, i think i'm sick of the bad weather and the dark.
i really need warmer weather and i need the sun
i'm really gettin down and i cannot take this.


[[[its where you wanna be]]]