Heart

Yes. Yes and more yes.

Highfive

Couldnt post this on facebook or instagram because of family. Buuuutttt this is my life.

Yes.

Really bothered

I need to get the ffffuuuuccckkkk out of this town. Summer is always too long to stay here.

Im probably being super paranoid for no reason, but people here are shady, and fake as fuck.

And im not just saying that. I understand everyone is entitled to their own secrets, or dirty pasts, but people need to remember those things when it comes to wanting to talk shit on other people.

Like I said, I could be super beyond paranoid, but ive got every reason to be.

I guess im just not use to exes becoming "friends" or hanging out, especially right after a break up.

What makes it even worse is both hate me more than anything, for different reasons. But none that wasnt caused from their own issues. So now im stuck with the idea that theyre sitting around a living room, talking shit and swapping stories. Which would be fine, im not perfect, ive donr shitty things, especially to the one ex, and ive done some muthhaaafuckinnn crazy psycho girl things before. I own up to them, I have no intentions of ever appearing perfect to anyone.

What I dont want is all the lies thats going to fly during those "bitch about her" fests. And theyre both fantastic bullshitters, I know this first hand. The one could easily write a book about how to be a bullshitter.

I just hate how twisted stories get. I love when they get back to me, and theyre so skewed its ridiculous.

And on top of it, other bullcrap was added in. The ohsogoos bullshitter never ceases to amaze me, but actually does exactly what I figure he would do.
It disgusts me so much knowing these things. I love how apparently im the liar and fake, when ive been able to call every move ever made despite him saying it wasnt true.

People need to really realize who they are, if youre lying about almost every thing just to prevent people from judging you, or making people mad, then youre fake. Keeping some things quiet is fine, But when your whole life is a lie, dont sit there and try and pass the blame off on someone else. Especially someone who never did anythinggggg to you.

I care too much about what people think of me. And I know youre not suppose to, but at the same time I feel you should. Why would you want to go around and have people hate you or think youre a bad person? You wouldnt.
But whatever. There's so much exciting good going on in my life lately, that im really trying not to let the bullshit get in the way.

This town needs to go though. I realized today that ive got a veryyyy small few attachements here still, but I need to find new surroundings, with one of those new attachments I have to this town.

He's gotta come with, because I couldn't give him up.
Things are stupid exciting right now... cannot wait to see where things are headed.

giggling.

"Bras are so unnatural and confining... its like a boobie zoo"

                  How I Met Your Mother makes me giggle.

ayediosmio.whattttt

I've already been worn out; used.

 i'm broken in.

build me up, don't tear me down.

boy,

do

not

take

more

than

you

can

give

i'm scared.



hashtag worthy? yes.
#DoNotBreakmyHeart  

From the other day

not sure where to really start, but then again isnt that how most of these things start?

i'd like to say i'm done being angry, that i've moved on and past everything that i've had to deal with in the past few months, but i honestly feel like it'll never be done and over with.
i think the biggest issue that i cant seem to let go is the fact that someone like him actually exists in this world.
i use to feel sorry for him, and think that he was just misunderstood and had a bad hand in life, now i understand that he really goes looking for his issues.

i've dated some really shitty guys in life, but i honestly feel as if this one gets the award of crappiest ever.
im not saying i was perfect, and that i never did anything wrong and didnt deserve some of the stuff that happened but i dont ever believe that i deserved everything that i had happen to me not even close.

i cant wait until the day i can sit here and say that all the crap ive dealt with in the past year or so has made me a stronger person.

Things have been seemingly different lately. Chosen a completely different rabbit hole, and this version if wonderland seems pretty promising.

Then again, who knows. Believing in impossible things leaves you open to perceive things very differently. Something that appears to be fantastic could change at any moment.  Thats life though.

Ending this here. Guess we'll just wait and see.
Here's hoping for the best, and expecting the worst.

Yup

"Excuse me, Sir,
But I have plans to die tonight
And you are in my way.
You make it sound so easy to be alive,
But how am I supposed to seize this day when everything inside me has died?"
                                           
"Trust me girl,                 
I know your legs are pleading to leap
But I offer you this easy choice-
Instead of dying, living with me.
I would be lying if I said that things would never get rough
but my offer stands and you must choose"
                 
"Alright, but I only give you one night to prove yourself
to be better than my attempt at flight.    
I swear to god if you hurt me I will leap,
I will toss myself from these very cliffs
And you'll never see it coming"

"Settle, precious, I know what you're going through.
Just ten minutes before you got here
I was gonna jump too"
          Self Conclusion

pushing past you

" Back the fuck at you.. Now go back to not talking to me, it's been nice not feeling how you used to make me feel and realizing you weren't my friend at all. Just using me till something came along. And I was gonna make sure you left feeling good after that? Fuck no, fuck you.
You're fake and poisonous to those around you. And the honest truth, I don't care in what you say or believe it anymore.. The hooks you had in me that blinded me to anything but what you said are gone. And let me tell you, I'm truly happy you're gone. So just stay there.
And it's real easy to just block you from everything. So if you manage not to be you till my money (which was settled) comes in I'll pay you. But if not, your actions will continue to buy my stalling.. Cause I know my friends enjoyed the bar on the money I was ready to hand you the other night. I have no problem pushing you off anymore. You've officially relived me of guilt on that matter. Done trying to prove or do anything for you. So when I want, you'll get. Till then, C R fannies is hiring. Go live that dream"

because I need this as a strong reminder as to who you are. I huge slap to the face everytime I want to ever give you the benefit of the doubt, when ever I want to think youre just misunderstood and lashing out dur to being hurt.

I wish I wouldve done this before with the conversations where you told me that xbox was more important to you than my future or my life. or the conversation where you told me all about how you have needs and youll find them else where if I dont start fulfilling them.

you sir, are a piece of shit, and its you sir who is the fake one. you can pull punches when its just me, but the second othet people are around, you turn into a differe t person completely. are you afraid they'll find out how cold hearted and selfish you really are? because it's too late for that, everyone knows and theyre no longer playing your game.

you disgust me in ways I never thought were possible. im absolutely disgusted I ever let you even touch me, let alone get into my head the way you did.
you say I'm poisonous and whatnot, but last time I checked you were the one mentally abusing me with you "I have needs" bullshit.
Ive said it, ive screamed it, and ive typed it:
if you need to bribe or guilt your girlfriend into having sex or doing anything sexual,  then maybe you have a selfish problem.
you only seemed to give a shit about what you wanted and when you wanted it, not the fact I was having problems and was being pressured. and please, dont sit there and tell me you've changed when you pulled the same cards just a couple weeks ago.

i tried to leave you last June, band then in October. and Then I tried to leave in December, and then nonstop up until April when I finally did.
maybe that shouldve told you something...