amillionmore

 no idea. just seems to be happening.

 thissss had me rooolliiiinnn. this is thee best.

grouped those two together, because they BOTH remind me of my wonderful boy.

Suicidal Confessions..Revisited.

i should be doing homework, that's really what started all of this.
and i didn't want to update on here until later tonight, to start my 1st day with Cam at NTC posts..

but i needed paper to start doing my homework and so i grabbed notebooks i had in my closet, first fail.
the first one? had a bunchh of drawings, and quotes in it. including notes from my amazing, but deceased friend Mike. i miss him everyday and to see his writing, made me sad and happy at the same time.
"Love always, Mike"


he was perfectttttt. hope you're doing well buddddyy. <3

the second notebook?
was awful. dark passenger filled and just, scary to read.

simply?
i've been writing suicide letters since i was 13.
it might sound morbid, but i keep alot of them, and compile them. not sure why.

i've been hurting myself for over 10 years now, and first started playing life roulette at 13.
that's sickening.



..i feel sick.

Today's the day!

you are the only exception,

and i'm on my way to believing.

Coming.

Well I'll tell you my friend, one day this world's going to end
as your lies crumble down, a new life she has found.

"This doesn't hurt", she said,
"I finally had enough."

one day she will tell you that she has had enough

pleaseee.

 

it doesnt have to be today

or tomorrow

next week

or even next month

but come back.

Speak the Truth

 

My State of Grace..

You come around and the armor falls
Pierce the room like a cannon ball
Now all we know is don't let go

So you were never a saint
And I’ve loved in shades of wrong
We learn to live with the pain
Mosaic broken hearts
But this love is brave and wild

And I never saw you coming
And I'll never be the same

can i say something without being

questioned

criticized

put down

told off

yelled at

ignored

blocked

walked away from?

ya damn right i can,

because this is my shit. noone really reads it, and i say whatevverr i want,

no matter who is going to get freakin annoyed or disagree with whats said.

carrying on.

this boy of mine,

for the lack of a noncliche

i'm falllllliiinnnggggggg so stupid hard.

-_-

sounds dumb doesn't it?

i can't even try to explain how i feel, or explain why. im too tired really to try =[

lalalallloooooovvvvviiinnggggggg everyyything about this boy so far.

i wish he was closer

or around a little more often. ive never wanted somebody around so badly before.

My Boyfriend is 18 Hours away from me at all times.

He's about to be 35 hours away in an unmentionable amount of days.

so i'm going from 1,038 miles away from eachother to 2,382 miles.

for a decent amount of time.

that's 3 hours behind me at all times

he shouldn't be going further away, he should be coming closer.

but it's his job i guess. hah. he's gottaaa do it, so im hoping to stay busy and that days go by pretty fast.

my countdown was started a while ago. <3

loovvvinnggg thiss boy fiercely.

come home to be boyyyfrannn. <3!