I almost wish I hadn't gone down the rabbit-hole..and yet..

lemme tell ya. this rabbit hole is coming to an end quickly.
this alice has to choose which way to go. and asking the cheshire cat which way is best
is only going to get me even more lost.

i know what i want.
but it's so hard.
i have nothing in my favor at all.
i need a job. i need money. i need that new<3boy. i need my mom. i need my brother.
i need my dinah.
<3

i don't know what actually gets me out of bed in the morning, its that little bit of hope i have left.
i'd rather die trying, than in a piss/shit ridden bed.

i need to not be sober.
but i also need to be sober.

what's a girl to do, is equivalent to asking 'whys a raven like a writing desk?'

no one knows. maybe if Carroll would've given an answer, a girl would know what to do.

i'm lost. i cannot find my way. and my dinah has gone, and my mad hatter has left me for good.
i deserve what was coming to me though, just like alice deserved to be lost.
if she would've just listened and not been so damn curious.
curiousity killed the SEE-AYE-TEE ya know?
[what about tea? hah.]

i need some lovin in my life. i'd go and get it, but i don't know where to start.
probably at the beginning. but that's way past now.

i can't write much more. i'm way to down even to write.

lets end it on this...

“It'll be no use their putting their heads down and saying "Come up again, dear!"
I shall only look up and say "Who am I then? Tell me that first, and then,
if I like being that person, I'll come up.

if not, I'll stay down here till I'm somebody else"

but, oh dear!' cried Alice, with a sudden burst of tears,

'I do wish they WOULD put their heads down! I am so VERY tired
of being all alone here!”