I Repeat:

This is how you lose her. 
You lose her when you don’t notice that she notices everything about you:
your use of the proper punctuation that tells her continuation rather than finality,
your silence when you’re about to ask a question
but you think anything you’re about to say to her would be silly,
your mindless humming when it is too quiet,
your handwriting when you sign your name on blank sheets of paper,
your muted laughter when you are trying to be polite,
and more and more of what you are,
which you don’t even know about yourself, because she pays attention.

She remembers when you forget.
You lose her for every second you make her feel less and less of the beauty that she is.
-When you make her feel that she is replaceable,
She wants to feel cherished.
-When you make her feel that you are fleeting,
She wants you to stay.
-When you make her feel inadequate,
She wants to know that she is enough and she does not need to change for you,
nor for anyone else because she is she and she is beautiful, kind and good.

You must learn her.
You must know the reason why she is silent.
You must trace her weakest spots.
You must write to her.
You must remind her that you are there.
You must know how long it takes for her to give up.
You must be there to hold her when she is about to.
You must love her because many have tried and failed.
And she wants to know that she is worthy to be loved,
that she is worthy to be kept.
And, this is how you keep her.

dear everyone: fuck off.

Mary got pregnant from a kid named Tom who said he was in love

He said, "Don't worry about a thing, baby doll, I'm the man you've been dreamin' of."

But three months later he said he won't date her or return her call

And she sweared, "God damn if I find that man I'm cuttin' off his balls."

And then she heads for the clinic and she gets some static walkin' through the door.

They call her a killer, and they call her a sinner, and they call her a whore

God forbid you ever had to walk a mile in her shoes

'Cause then you really might know what it's like to have to choose

Then you really might know

what it's like

i convict myself.

i think i've honestly avoided writing because i dont want to REALLY have to think about thingsthat have been bothering me.





-stares at screen for 15minutes-








apparently talking to a friend is easier than talking to myself,
i wish i didn't feel this lost while despising myself so much,
it makes it harder to actually care about finding myself.



i'd be doing the world justice if i just let myself remain lost.





i deserve this
i was asking for it
this is what i get
what did i think was going to happen

too much of a good thing

i think it's extremely possible for one single human being to have too much empathy,
and let me tell you it's not a good thing

i have this problem where i'm constantly trying to make other people's problems my own, so i can help them to the fullest extent, and im so happy that they're recieving help, that someone is there for them through everything, going above and beyond

that i forget and lost myself completely.

if i could drop everything in life and travel to a suffering country and help, i would.
that sounds normal, who wouldnt want to help if they could?

i just feel like i take on other peoples' pain too easily, and too frequent. any hint of any sadness and someone being alone, makes me extremely upset.



i think this post is done. i absolutely hate it, for no reason at all.

it is, what it is.